Why Every Mom Needs Time Alone

By Winnie Yu for Completely You



When I was young, I hated doing things alone. I was afraid I’d look like a loser, a sad sack with no friends. I always wanted companionship and would seek out others to join me, whether it was for a quick trip to the mall or a walk in the neighborhood. But these days, I’m learning that sometimes my own company is all I need and want.

Being by myself gives me time to collect my thoughts and ponder life’s challenges. Sometimes, I use the time to plan my day, come up with story ideas and create shopping lists. Other times, I use it to meditate and clear my head. Still other times, I’ll bring along a book or some music and allow myself the pleasure of some entertainment.

Some of my time alone is dictated by the work I do: I’m a writer -- perhaps one of the loneliest vocations there is. To ease the isolation, I often seek out friends to eat lunch, go shopping or take a walk. But even these activities are often done alone these days.

Doing things by myself gives me total control of my outing. Take shopping for instance. I love shopping with my daughters or my mom, and I enjoy the occasional jaunt with friends. But when I go by myself, I can move as fast or as slow as I want. I can choose which stores to go into, and when to eat lunch or stop for a snack. I set the entire agenda and get to come and go as I please.

I also tend to walk alone more often, with the exception of my favorite walking companion, Loki, our Yorkie. Walking with him is almost like walking alone, except when he refuses to budge and makes his case by holding his ground with his 5-pound body.

Still, I’m not a complete loner -- yet. I haven’t seen many movies by myself, and I still rarely dine alone. And I’d probably never go on a serious hike or long bike ride by myself for safety reasons. I also like to think of those events as social occasions that are best enjoyed in the company of others. What’s different now, though, is that I no longer worry if I’m alone somewhere, and I certainly don’t feel like a loser. I’ve learned that sometimes the best company is my own.
 
Photo: @iStockphoto.com/kupicoo


Winnie Yu is Completely You’s mom blogger. She has two daughters (Samantha, 14, and Annie, 12) and is the author of seven books, including New Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding and What to Eat for What Ails You. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including Woman’s Day, AARP Bulletin, Prevention and WebMD.com.

Why Moms Should Meditate

By Winnie Yu for Completely You



I’m no good at sitting still. In fact, I’m more of a whirling dervish, with bundles of energy and plenty of movement. So when I tried to take up meditation a few years ago, it was a struggle. A big one. My thoughts whirred in all directions. What do I need at the store today? Did I forget to pay that bill? What time is Samantha’s dentist appointment?

Bringing myself to stillness turned out to be more challenging than any athletic endeavor I ever attempted. It was tougher than learning to ski and play tennis. It was more difficult than the ballroom dance classes that my husband and I took. It was certainly more difficult than yoga and tai chi, which still allowed me to move while watching my breath.

Yet I’d heard so much about the benefits of meditating that I simply had to try it. The result is my own special brand of mediation, what I call mom’s meditative magic. I like to think of it as a temporary suspension from reality -- a short break from the chaos around me.

How I do it: Basically, I try to put what’s going on around me into the background and bring my breath to the foreground. When the focus shifts, I begin to listen to my breath and feel for the rise and fall of my chest. Sometimes, I count: one … two … three. Often, before I even get to 10, I have zoned out, but in a way that’s deliberate, focused and calming. Want more instructions? Check out this video on one-moment meditation.

Sometimes, my brief meditative moments are the only thing that keeps me sane on a bad day. For instance, when the kids are fighting, I will sometimes disappear into my own head. Or when I’m rushing around from one thing to the next, I’ll pause and think about my breath. Sometimes, I just focus on the mundane task at hand, like washing dishes or driving.

These fleeting bouts of meditative escapes may not bring about the brain-boosting, soul-soothing calm that 20 minutes on a yoga mat might. But they keep me sane when I’m feeling anything but. For busy moms like me, that’s priceless.

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Photo: @iStockphoto.com/shironosov


Winnie Yu is Completely You’s mom blogger. She has two daughters (Samantha, 14, and Annie, 12) and is the author of seven books, including New Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding and What to Eat for What Ails You. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including Woman’s Day, AARP Bulletin, Prevention and WebMD.com.