Guilty of Not Feeling Guilty

All moms have guilt … or do they? 

Not long ago, I decided I wanted to write a blog about mom guilt. My thoughts leaped around. The sentences wouldn’t gel. Paragraphs refused to flow. I set the blog aside and took off to a writer’s conference. There in my hotel room, I realized a simple truth: I didn’t really feel that guilty.

And that’s when the guilt set in.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m no stranger to mom guilt. Who is? Mom guilt comes in all forms and from all directions. Me? I used to feel guilty for almost everything I did. I felt guilty for working. I felt guilty when I didn’t work. I felt guilty when I missed field trips. I felt guilty when I fed my kids fast food. I felt guilty for parking them in front of the TV so I could finish a project. I often felt as if everything I did wasn’t enough or wasn’t right.

Guilt became a part of life -- a way of being. Perhaps because it was so pervasive, it became a bit like breathing -- something I experienced every day and simply had to accept.

But over the years, especially as my daughters got older and I saw that they were fine, the guilt began to lessen. I began to realize that it really is OK to take time for myself, to pursue a career and to do things that break the rules I’d set for myself. I realized that my being away from them for a short period of time wasn’t going to make or break them. I realized that the occasional trip to a fast-food restaurant wasn’t going to destroy their health.

Truth is, motherhood evolves and unfolds in its own unique way for every woman. There are no commandments to abide by. Skipping field trips doesn’t make you a lesser mother, and getting an occasional spa treatment or attending a work conference doesn’t, either. What matters is your constant presence and love, and it’s the rare mom who doesn’t provide that. (Listen to how other working moms cope with guilt here.)

Still, I do suffer the occasional pang of guilt for liberating myself of mother guilt. When that happens, I remind myself that I’ve had my share and paid my dues. If time has allowed me to acquire some perspective, then OK: I’m guilty as charged.

For more great health and lifestyle content, visit me here at Completely You

Excavation: Freezer

By Winnie Yu for Completely You



The other day, I opened my freezer door. Out toppled a bag of frozen meat, dated two years ago. The package landed near my toes, which would have hurt had it hit my foot. It was a clear sign that I needed to explore the tundra regions of my home. In other words, it was time for a freezer excavation.

Once I began digging, I found all sorts of goodies. Plastic bags full of mystery meats. Small containers of ice cream from a long-ago birthday party. A stray Popsicle here and there. There was even an open box of ice-encrusted pierogies, and a small package of breakfast sausages coated in crystals. By the time I was done, I had a bag of garbage filled with frozen foods -- and a lot more space in my freezer.

The one thing I kept -- and actually used -- were the tiny bags of bread crusts. Somehow, it just seemed wasteful to toss them out without a second glance, especially since we invest in some pretty pricey bread for daily peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. So I dug up a recipe and made cinnamon sugar bread crusts. They were delicious, especially when fresh out of the oven.

A freezer excavation is a rare event at my house. I simply don’t clean my freezer the way I clean other parts of my house. I assume that the chilly temperatures will kill any unhealthy microorganisms, and I figure the space is finite, so I’ll eventually find what I need.

But really, freezers need some attention too. They need a good purging now and again, just like every other place in my house -- be it my office, the basement or the garage (check out this helpful guide to doing it right). While the freezer may not get the same cleaning that my bathroom or kitchen gets, it certainly deserves some of my time and attention.

And now I know I can enjoy some more cinnamon sugar bread crusts when I’m done.


For more great health and lifestyle content, visit me here at Completely You

Photo: @iStockphoto.com/Shershel

Winnie Yu is Completely You’s mom blogger. She has two daughters (Samantha, 14, and Annie, 12) and is the author of seven books, including New Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding and What to Eat for What Ails You. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including Woman’s Day, AARP Bulletin, Prevention and WebMD.com.

Know When It’s Time to Quit

By Winnie Yu for Completely You



Doing dishes at 9 p.m. Folding laundry at 10 p.m. Cleaning the bathroom at midnight. If you’re a time-strapped mom, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t stop doing chores until you collapse in bed.

Truth is, it probably takes every hour of the day to get the job done, and so you do just that. But think about it: If you had a desk job, wouldn’t you just set things aside until tomorrow? Wouldn’t you want some time to wind down and relax? Wouldn’t you have a quitting time?

Like any job on the planet, being a mom requires a quitting time. That’s the moment in your day when you say, “Enough is enough. I’m done. This task can wait until tomorrow.” Unless your dishes are piled so high they might topple overnight, and unless the dust bunnies in your living room are coming to life, most chores can be put aside until the next day.

For years, I didn’t have a quitting time. Being a writer only made it worse. I worked on weekends. I worked at night. I got up early and wrote in the wee hours of dawn. (Confession: I still do that sometimes -- but only when I have too many deadlines.)

Over the years, I slowly learned that having a quitting time made me a better person -- and a better mom. The endless to-do list was never going to go away. I could dust and vacuum and write and organize until I turned blue, and there’d still be something left to do.

I finally learned to quit at a given time. For me, that means I usually stop working around 5 p.m. and I wrap up my household chores by 8 p.m. Then I can spend the rest of the night playing games with my family, watching TV or catching up on my reading.

Having a quitting time gives me the time to relax and unwind that all moms need. It lets me chill out before bed and savor time with my kids. Most important, perhaps, it gives me the stamina to do it all again the next day.

Do you give yourself a quitting time?



Winnie Yu is Completely You’s mom blogger. She has two daughters (Samantha, 14, and Annie, 12) and is the author of seven books, including New Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding and What to Eat for What Ails You. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including Woman’s Day, AARP Bulletin, Prevention and WebMD.com.